Because He Lives

My insides have had time to weep today, though most of the while we've kept busy. Finally back to school after 15 days of being at home, there were things to get done, I had a doctors appointment, and of course the busyness of the usual day overtook me. But certain moments of the day caught me off guard and wrenched me on the inside and twisted my tears. Our school director brought in chicken minis from CFA today-while a tasty treat, the smell was so vivid-I remember eating them the morning mom died-A friend had brought a platter to the house that day. Y'all, I CRIED OVER CHICKEN MINIS and it was only 10 am!!! 

After school it worked out that the girls were going to be spending some time with Nana (J's mom) and Aunt Emily and her three boys, so I had a bit of time after my appointment to grab a yellow rose, as I do every year, and drop it by the most gorgeous cemetery ever. 

As I stood in the bitter cold, I dropped the rose, and the Spirit came over me to sing: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." 

My mind was flooded with memories of standing in the church just a few hundred feet away singing that hymn beside momma and how she used to belt the chorus (she couldn't carry a tune, but she'd always know the melody of the chorus-and it was the Gaithers, come on!) on Sunday mornings right around Easter. 

Just thinking of those words, words that she really thought were true-life WAS worth living to her as she "fault life's final war with pain"- over the years there has been such profound emptiness, beyond words to explain to anyone, of what's it like to lose my mother at such a young age. BUT in those same years, there has been ABUNDANTLY more fulfillment and joy and overflow of His grace, blessing, and provision in my life. Yes, I still cry. Yes it still hurts. Yes, this day was sad because I miss my momma. 

But there's a greater joy in the resurrection of Jesus. And there's no fear for it really is a life conquering death scenario every. single. day. And life is worth the living simply because He lives. 

Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. (John 14:19 ESV)